Close my eyes and I'll be there by your side....

I really thought I would never write about my ex again.

However I had a pretty weird dream last night - about my ex-fiance no less.

It was so surreal, it was like we never broke up.

Don't really remember alot.

What I do remember is that he was hugging, kissing me alot and we were happy.

Yet when I woke up from the dream I felt guilt.

Reason for guilt: how would my relatives react if I got back with him?

I do miss him and think about him alot, but I will never let him know this, as I know he would see it as a signal that I want to get back with him.

I would love to take him back, but I know I can't love a man who does not trust or respect me.

I certainly can't love a man if I'm scared about what reaction he may have whenever I tell him I'm going out, or travelling to another city as part of my job. I can't love a man that wants to control me or make me feel subservient.


The song in youtube vid reminds me of him alot, reminds me of the good times we had. Sadly his attitude outweighs the good times.

Sorry babe, I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but not if it meant being controlled by you and not being able to have my own opinion.

Bit of a soppy posting I know, but I just had to get it off my chest and there's no way in hell I could share this with my friends or relatives without them judging me or saying I'm being stupid.

Time for bed now I think (it is now past midnight my end)