Life sucks, and men are arseholes....

Just when I thought this year could not get any worse, bearing in mind there are only 2 more days until the year has ended, I have to be proved wrong once again in a cruel manner:

Last night I took out a couple of friends for a couple of games of pool and a boogy in some bar - I volunteered to be the designated as one of my friends hadn't been out in a long time, and usually ends up being the driver when they do venture out at night time, bless 'em. On the way back home, my car began to make some peculiar noises, kinda sounded like a tractor. Thankfully the car didn't break down or die on us and I vowed to get car down to garage the next day.

So next day I begin short journey to garage, but was told I had to go to another twice as they didn't deal with diagnostics etc. Yet as I made my way from one garage to another, the condition of my car got progressively worse; the car was just getting slower and weaker, the exhaust was misfiring, everytime I went down in gear or used the clutch, the engine kept cutting out and became harder to restart.

Just metres away from the entrance of the final garage my car decided to conk out completely on me. If only it could have gone a extra few metres.....

Damn thing was blocking the entrance to the car garage, which in itself is not a major issue, but the attitude of the drivers that were trying to get in or out was sooo pig like.

And yes they were all bloody male, hence the title. I don't what it is, but they seem to think revving their engine really loudly is going to make me move my car or make me feel bad...

For f**k's sake my car broke down!!! I didn't just decide to park my car there and put my hazard lights on for a laugh did I.

F**cking twats.

After the lads at the garage managed to push my car the rest of the way (uphill of course), they had a quick look and basically told me that the whole engine could be buggered but said they would need more time to have a look.

Meanwhile I can only picture how hard my life will be without car - need car to get to work as no public transport going to workplace, can't get to running club, can't get around as easily in general.

If they can't fix my car, I am SCREWED...........

For me Xmas = Too much booze + chocolate....

.....followed by looks of disapproval from my feline friend.

If, like me, you are one of those people who do not celebrate christmas watsoeva, you will often find alternative ways of keeping oneself occupied, particularly when all shops are closed and majority of friends are busy stuffing their faces with their relatives.

My alternative consisted of scoffing too many choccies and consuming way too much wine - not much different from how most people celebrate their xmas you may say, but at least I didn't have to squander money on presents and waste money on decorations that make Las Vegas look remotely classy.

My highlight of of the crimbo holidays: teasing my cat, using the reflection of the mirror and waving my hand like a maniac infront of reflection against the wall......

Bah Humbug!!!

Copenhagen Summit - Load of Cowpat!!

With the lack of substantial developments arising from the recent Copenhagen Summit and extremely cold weather in UK, one gets the feeling the summit was a complete waste of time, as well as money, when one considers the admin costs incurred (accomodation, interpreters, translators, catering, welcome packs that must have cost an entire forest, etc.).

Following on from the theme, global freezing, I MEAN 'warming', I felt it necessary to stick up for my sisters once again....

....especially when a UN reports appears to hold cows responsible for 18% of the world's greenhouse gas problems - because they belch and fart!!!!

HOW, DARE, YOOOUUUU!!!

What have those poor cows done to become culprits of a man made disaster? All they do is eat grass all day, poo - by the way, this is poo that can be used as compost for our plants and vegetation, and generally keep out of everyone's way.

They don't use cars, fly from one country to the next, cause social unrest, blow themselves up in suicide attacks, cause war or genocide. They just eat grass and poop on the field. Ooh! And they provide milk - a vital source of calcium, right?!

Besides, cattle have been around for centuries and there's never ever been any issues of global warming since man have domesticed our beloved bovine creatures.

Fossil fuels, petrol and cars on the other hand, have only been around for a few decades and in the short space of time have caused more damage to the environment than cattle has in the last millenium.

So my response to the accusations made against the poor heffers is:

EAT MY SHIT!

I f**king hate this winter season....

....especially when there's no bloody central heating in this house.

So I sit here wrapped up like an eskimo on a fishing trip, sat as close to the piddly little oil filled heater, which sends my electricity bill through the roof, wondering whether it would be costworthy to set the house on fire....

Makes it kinda hard for me to believe that this whole planet is getting warmer - I don't feel any warmer than I did in previous winters, that's for sure!!!

And to top it off I now have a stinking cold, with glands so swollen you could use them in a game of golf....

Like all normal hyperchondriacs I react to mild colds by taking loads of cough medicines, which probably caused me to have a couple of disturbing dreams about my ex last night (yeah, I know, my bloody ex):

First dream didn't actually feature him - just his father: I was walking out of a building with my relatives along a main road, when I saw a car that looked awfully familiar, then realised it was my ex's father's car - when the driver saw me, he did some crazy handbrake turn, then sped off in opposite direction.

I woke feeling slightly freaked out.

Second dream I find myself in my bedroom, with my ex already in bedroom - meanwhile I am at the window, trying to stop his father from climbing in through the window too - for some reason I was more frightened of his father than the ex.

After that dream I couldn't back to sleep - grr.....

And now I shall get back to warming my hands against the pathetic heater, dreaming of the guy I'd like to snuggle up with and keep warm.....

Another mad week - no organisation watsoeva

In my last post, I was complaining about how disorganised I was and how I don't managed to get anything done during the weekend...

Well after the last few days I had, it's no real surprise really, seeing as I had to commute to big city again for whole week, not getting back home til well after 8pm, then partying all weekend like there was no tomorrow - at the weekend, I don't think I ever made it into bed before 3am...

So as you can see in piccy above featuring my lovely udders, I got rather dolled up and went out for xmas party with running club for 3 course meal followed by boogy.

The sad face in above photo illustrates the disappointment I felt with the contents of my cracker - I only got half a bloody pack of dominoes - what am I supposed to do with half a pack of dominoes??!! Plus I lost my paper hat after like 2 mins...

The xmas decos were pretty cool though - in photo above you can see the pretty twinkly style lights against the black background - I was horrified to learn that this was in fact just there to cover the ceiling which was made of asbestos, that was due to collapse some time in near future. I forgot about it after a few glasses of wine though,,,,

After the meal, the organisers gave out these really long narrow balloons, which are rather tricky to inflate - it nearly took me half an hour to work out how to inflate them, but got there without passing out. However, my cheeks are feeling rather sore now - must have destroyed quite a few blood vessels.

The odd shaped balloon sat in the wine glass, is a creation of one of my fellow runners - and yes this fellow runner just happened to be a man.....

So, not a bad party, though I felt it was a little overpriced and went too quickly.

After xmas party, went to mates house still dolled up and armed with a few balloons I took as souvenirs, as they were having a gathering - needless to say, by the time I got there, most of them were completely hammered already, and so on and so forth.

All in all a bit of a mad week - only reason I found the time to blog tonight, is because I am having the day off tomorrow - hopefully to meet a friend, whom I haven't seen since she got sprogged up and became a mother....

And now I am going to have a hot steaming bath, as been running and need to get my muscles to relax somehow....

Another wasted weekend

Again, I have managed to spend almost the entire day in bed. I don't what it is, but I just don't seem to have the energy to get up and do something with myself during the weekend, besides catching up with the housework and doing the food shopping.

I could put it down to the winter season and the lack of daylight, but itreally boils down to the fact that I am so disorganised at the moment.

I'm at the point where I have so many things to worry about I don't know where to start, and feel too overwhelmed or tired at the weekend.

As a result I hardly get anything done, and don't get to make the most of my free time properly.

Therefore I need to have a strategy in place that will help me manage my time more effectively and help me plan things better.

I really don't want next year to be another year, where I just spent most of it daydreaming or watching everything pile up.

Maybe if I am more organised, I will watch how I spend my money more effectively too....

Itchy cow

Can't believe it's nearly been a week since my last post - how times flies, and now it's December.

DECEMBER!!!

Anyhow, I was driving to work through some country bumpkin roads, surrounded mostly by farmland, when I glanced over towards a field occupied by a herd of cows - I like to check how my sisters are doing, especially in this cold weather, you know....

As always they looked splendid with their glossy coats and chunky backsides, yet one of them stuck out from the rest like a sore thumb.

Reason: She was standing on 3 legs (almost unheard of in the cattle world!), and using the fourth leg to scratch herself behind her ear. Clearly she had a strong urge to get rid of that itchy feeling.
As you can imagine, I spent the rest of the car journey roaring with laughter and told my colleagues as soon as I got to work.

Such a shame I didn't have an opportunity to take a photo (would have been to dangerous), so I drew an image instead - not the best drawing, but it should give one an idea of what I witnessed today....

Other than that, the week hasn't been that eventful - in fact I'd say has been depressing with the cold wind, and sporadic rainy crap weather, plus the fact that I am going to be extremely skint this month.

Can't even blame Christmas for money problems as I don't even celebrate it, which makes it worse. Oh well I'll just have to keep living on cereal for awhile.....

Sleepy heffer

I dont know what the hell's wrong with me at the moment: for the past week, I've been sleeping for 10hrs straight, sometimes topped up with an additional power nap in the afternoon, and still feeling tired at around 10pm.

Very strange, I know.

Maybe I'm just catching up on lack of sleep I've been getting for the last couple of months thanks to my idiot ex, maybe it's the winter season with the lack of sunlight....

....Or maybe it's age catching up with me - eek!!

Either way I know I need to sort it out, and start implementing a healthy sleeping pattern, before situation develops into a full blown sleeping disorder.

Anyhow, I haven't spent the whole week in bed - I did actually venture outside the house a few times as well.

I even went to watch another film at Cineworld (yes, it's the second time I've been, since getting that unlimited card - not long before I turn into a movie nerd), and watched 2012.

A pretty freaky film, with some brilliant special effects - made me grip the seat a couple of times anyway. Definitely a film worth watching on the silver screen.

Right I'm off to bed now, to see if I can maybe wake up after 8hrs, rather than 10hrs.

Yeah, I know - I'm a lazy cow....

You know you're a chocolate addict when.....

.....you purposefully buy the slightly more expensive brand of chocolate in the hope of cutting down on the amount you eat, only to find you've only gone and scoffed the whole bloody box in one sitting! Notice the look of guilt on my face??

As I sit here feeling rather stuffed and greedy, I picture my arse getting fatter by the second and my chances of attracting the attentions of the man I've had a crush on for a very long time diminishing.

Yes, I know, I've only just split up with my ex but I just found out the guy I've had a crush on long before I met my ex, has also just split up after 3 years, so he's also down in the dumps.

Since then I have been emailing him a lot lately (offering support as a friend 'of course'!), and generally flirting outrageously with him.

Who can blame me? He's soo gorgeous, and a lot kinder than my ex - only problem is I can't tell for toffee whether he finds me anyway attractive. I know he thinks I'm a bit nutty, which is true, and everytime to do meet up, we constantly play fight/tease each other.

He's a tough guy to read... However I've managed to persuade him to go travelling to a city with me sometime next year, if he's not too busy (whoop whoop!), so maybe I'll get a chance with him.

Who knows??

Meanwhile, all I can do is fantasise about him....aaahhhhh.....

Movies and Rugby

I went a bit loopy couple of nights ago and decided to buy one of those unlimited film card thingy bobs, that lets u go and watch a film as often as you like for £13 a month (12 month contract) - not bad.

So I celebrated by going to watch Harry Brown, a film about a former marines soldier, who sets about getting revenge, vigilante style, on a bunch of yobs on a council estate, after his friend, a fellow OAP, gets killed by them.

Not for the faint hearted, it is a brutal film with some great filmography, and Michael Caine played his role so well I left the cinema convinced every pensioner should be issued with a gun and bayonet so that they can defend themselves against the yobs.

Course, that will never happen for legal reasons, but it made me realise just how vulnerable I'll be if a reach the biddy age.

This weekend wan't all bloods and guts though. Well, not quite....

I met a friend in Twickenham to watch the women's international rugby (England vs New Zealand), after watching the men's match in the pub - glad I watched the men's game in the pub, as they were crap compared to the ladies.

You heard it. The women played better and won 10-3 as a result. So was pretty chuffed with result.

Only downside to weekend was my ex, was on the bloody roof again at 1am - 1AM!!

Mission impossible - find name of track

Don't you hate it when you hear a track you really like, then can't figure out the name of the song or who the artist is, cause the bloody radio presenter thinks rolling out the info off their tongue in split seconds is really helpful??

Well, this happened to me last night - worse part there was no DJ, or even proper tracklisting (this was on the Ministry of Sound website), so I knew I was in for a tough battle. But I was dertermined to find 'that' song......

As the song has been played frequently over the last couple of months, I figured it would be of MoS' playlist, and so began task of going through every song on the list by copying/pasting details on youtube in hope of finding this track.

After about half an hour I was beginning to lose hope, when behold, I found the song: Mark Knight & D.Ramirez v Underworld - Downpipe

To celebrate my mini victory, I cranked up the volume, much to the dismay of my neighbours and had a one-man rave party.

Hence the youtube video/song being featured on my blog - I hope you like the song as much as I do.

Spontaneity

Went round my friends house on Saturday night, expecting just quiet night in, eating take away and watching films, as you do....

After a few too many 'Turf' shandies, I think that's it's called anyway (basically consists of stella artois mixed with smirnoff ice alcopop - sounds vile but wasn't actually that bad), we decide we wanted to go out for a boogy.

Having left the house at 1.30 am there was only once place we could go - the gay club of course!

Was a good laugh - we turned up looking like frumps, but we had a gooood time and even got chatted up by the v. few straight guys there.

Didn't get back home til 6am, didn't wask up (or rather, wake up) til 3pm...

I love spontaneous nights out.......

Feeling rather tired now, not because of Saturday, but because I had to spend 2hrs in police station giving statement about my ex, for something that had nothing to do with me - argh! That doth curse me.....

Must....sleep...now.....

The value of friendship

It's amazing how a friend can cheer you up, even if they are miles away....

I came home looking like a drowned rat (as pictured above), after a hard run in the rain and feeling a bit miserable as a result.

As I waited for the water to heat up, I just remembered it would be my mates birthday tomorrow, so thought I'd call her now in case I forget tomorrow.

She answered the phone, and just hearing her voice cheered me up instantly (she has that effect on many people, bless her), and after the usual chitchat, she asked if I'd like to go to watch some rugby match with her.

I was like yaye!! Not only has she cheered me up, she's given me something exciting to look forward to now....

A bunch of hunky men rolling around in mud - very nice......

Tits on the brain

When I said tits, I didn't mean the woman's bazookas, pervert....

Just kidding, anyway reason why I have tits on the brain is due to what I witnessed today, just after I finished my 10k run (which I did not enjoy in the least bit):

I was doing some cool down stretches by the lake, when I heard some particularly loud twittering noises - there are alot of bird habitats round this lake, but this was quite agitated. I looked round to see where the noise was coming from to find 2 teeny birds having a proper wrestling match on the pavement just metres from where I stood.

They were literally rolling around the ground and really going for each other! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I knew I wasn't imagining it when a bloke came from the other direction and started staring in the same direction then remarked to his daugher how bizarre it was to see 2 little birds fighting like that.

I know birds get very territorial, but this was like WWF standards!

Not 100% sure what species they are, but having checked the RSPB website (where I nicked the above image - credits due aye?), I am pretty sure they were tits (in more ways than one).

Just cant tell from the coal, marsh or willow tit....

Can't sew to save my life

As I finished my dinner and pondered how I would spend the rest of the evening (no money to go out already!! Eek!), the sewing machine which was still in its original packaging caught my eye, looking rather abandoned.

Feeling sorry for it I decided to do something productive and have a go at using the sewing machine.... easier said than done.....

After spending at least half an hour trying to work out how the hell you thread the damn thing, I plugged the machine in the power mains, only to find I had forgotten to check the setting was on the 'Off' mode, which resulted in the machine going absolutely schizo and the thread I spent ages trying to arrange turning into a mountainous knot before me - I must say the word 'Shit!!' did enter my mind at this point.

So once again I had to thread the machine again, making sure this time it WAS off, before plugging it to the mains.

Using a piece of scrap material I began to start experimenting with the patterns the machine had to offer (only 8 patterns, but more than enough for an idiot like me), and basically sewing the poor scrap of material to death, with the result being the above image.

As you can see, I was born to be a seamstress......

Political rant for the day - EU (What a bloody mess!)

Yesterday I had to endure a trip to the big shitty city (Daisymoo is used to being surrounded by fields , not ugly multi-storey buildings you know...) to undertake a training course - sth about how the EU works.

Bearing in mind that the British government has pretty much signed up for this Lisbon Treaty (which I still don't f**king understand, after spending a day listening to some guy gassing on about it for hours on end), no less without consulting the public, or actually checking to see whether we'd mind being a part of this masquerade, I thought it'd be worthwhile trying to educate myself a little i.e. at least try to find out what we're in for.

Needless to say, I didn't absorb alot from this course (only so much a cow can take - deciding which patch of grass to graze on is mind boggling enough!). Didn't help much that I was surrounded by a bunch smug arsewipes, whom you'd think from the way they talk, were best buddies with the Foreign Secretary or other foreign ministers.

Still, what I have learned about the EU is this:

• The EU institutions are so friggin complex, I'm surprised it actually functions (I mean fancy having a Commission, Council and Parliament mish mashed together - how the fuck do you actually make any quick decisions?? Answer: Never!)


• The EU union probably won't exist in harmony for long, espcially when you're trying to bang 27 very culturally different and stubborn heads together. What's scarier is that Turkey wants to be part of the EU - as if things weren't complicated enough already...


• The Lisbon Treaty means the countries have less say over how they rule their own country (still find the fact the EU wants us to abolish imperial measurements insulting), especially when it comes to EU legislation i.e. if EU puts a certain legislative rule through, we as EU citizens are obliged to implement it, whether we like it or not.

So not exactly a pretty picture.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely Eurosceptic - I'm all for free trading and free travel between states without need of a visa. I just dont see why the EU states have to handcuff themselves to each other.

Other reason I was not too impressed at course: some plonker spilt his coffee all over my notes, which I spent whole day scribbling out.... not his notes,,,,, MINE!!!!

Lazy cow #1

Featured video pretty much sums up how my weekend has been - well not quite, seeing as I don't have any robots to cook/do my chores and I did actually leave the house. Twice in fact, both to do some shopping. And I've never been desperate enough to eat a half eaten snickers bar that's been lying on the floor since the dawn of time.

Still I haven't achieved much apart from spend majority of time snoozing in bed. Couldn't even be bothered to go for a run or go to friends house for halloween party - I mean I'd have to dress up and stuff - no energy for that malarky!!

So that's the summary of how lazy I've been.

On the plus side I did cook my old dear a nice sunday roast with chicken - roasted a whole chicken, man, without burning down the kitchen - an achievement if you ask me.... Also things on the ex-fiancee front have been quiet, besides the fact he sent one of his gimps round to ask if I had any mail for him; no, I don't, because I cross the addy out and shove it straight back in the nearest postbox! Pah! I'm not his bloddy secretary!

And now I going to see if I can do something productive for the next hour or so, before I continue my next favourite hobby - sleeping....

Follow up to 'Please leave me alone u selfish bastard'

I've just remembered what I actually wanted to write about on my last blog but forgot as I was too drunk.

Coincidentally enough I am tipsy again, but I least I remember, yet it turns out it wasn't really that intelligent after all.

Oh well, might as well spit it out now:

After the whole fiasco with my ex, I was still determined to go to my gym, as hadnt been for at least 3 weeks, and told myself if I dont sort it out now, I'll end up never going again. So I go to the reception at my gym to sign myself in (basically, we write our names in the register - bit like a visitors' register), and noticed a horribly familiar name on the register a few spaces above where I had just signed in.

Now, I can't be 100% certain it's the person i thought it was, as they only wrote the initial of their first name followed by surname, a surname which is very common in England.

Still it narked me a bit, because if it was the person I thought it was, it would mean that I now go to the same gym as the bloody person I crashed into a couple of years ago - AS IF I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MAN TROUBLE!!

Granted, it was only a minor collision which took part in a car park (basically 'twat head' was goin very fast in his f*%kin BMW, I couldnt see shit as had 4 x4's parked either side of me, but because I was the one who was 'supposed' to give way, I was the liable one).

So, as you can imagine, I spent the rest of the gym session looking over my shoulder - I cant even remember what the motherf*%ker looks like. Scary thought.

But enough about the man we dont know for certain is the one I crashed into: it was wasnt all doom and gloom this week.

I did find enough time to go out, get drunk, have a boogy in some gay club (the best club in my town - and that's comin from a straight person!), go to some house party, go back to my mates house, nurse her back to health as she kept passing out in bathroom or throwing up (real classy lady).

Apart from that, it's been a pretty hectic, shite week.

Now I ponder how this week will flow with the possibility of having to share gym with man I crashed into (what if he says something to me or starts some shit? He was a bit of a hard looking person after all)...

That and the fact that my ex, after been arrested this week (for 3rd time), has again been released on bail.

Really looking forward to this week....

PS Had really Perverse dream (night I went out for boogy - coincidentally with my former colleague) about my former colleague's son, who is ONLY 17!! I am 26. Dreamt that he was kissing and playing with my udders.

Wrong, wrong, WRONNNNGGGGG!!!!!

Please leave me alone, u selfish bastard

Seriously, I don't know if I'll ever have a normal week again (btw I am slightly tipsy after a couple glasses of wine so apologies if I talk too much crap!). Why? because my fucking ex just won't leave me alone!!! Argh!!

Once again I have to contact the police as ex tried to force his way into the house the other day - this was after chasing me around the car park when I ended up having to go to my neighbours to ask if I could use their phone to call the police.......

Why wont he leave me alone to live my life??

I have now totally forgotten what I was gonna type - I am so sure it was gonna be something intelligent.... maybe that last glass of wine was not such a good idea after all...

Oh well, I shall go and sleep on it - maybe it will come back to me.

PS I could do with one of those stress cows pictured above right now...

Ying Yang day

Today was a bit a of yingyang day, as I had some good moments as well as seriously crap moments:
I manage to wake up on time (just, mindya) to go and take part in a fun run - well I say fun run but it is in fact a 10k run located in a rather hilly village/town. Was rather chuffed at the fact that I managed to run 10k in 56mins though, despite the cold weather and numerous bodies competing with me. Must admit it was a beautiful sight to watch crowds of people running in unison towards one destination: the finish line - was like watching a herd of sheep being reared by an invisible force. Speaking of sheep, I nearly ran into some during the race - evil looking cretins they were...
After running I went food shopping with one of my relatives, looking forward to easy afternoon, having lunch at my relatives, doing a bit of housework then just relaxing rest of the day.
However as I got to the checkout I knew something wasn't right as my relative looked past me in a stunned manner.
I looked behind me and realised why:
My F*!CKING ex was stood behind me - had probably been following me round the supermarket the whole time.
And of course he starts the bullshit 'why wont you talk to/forgive me? why wont you give me another chance??', etc.

Because you keep bloody stalking me you freak!!

I hate talking this way about him, but all I want is for him to leave me alone.

Arghh!!!

So, like I said, it was a day with some good and shite moments - hence yingyang!

Even stars get taken to the slaughterhouse.....

Shock horror or what?!

Yep, you may have also noticed that the celebs are starting to drop like flies this year: First Jade Goode (British Big Brother contestant who died of cervical cancer - in case u never heard of her), Farah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and now that Boyzone dude Steve Gates, who died at 33 years.

I'M GONNA BE 33 IN A COUPLE YEARS TIME!!! AM I GONNA DIE THAT YOUNG TOO??

Maybe I should consider writing up a will (all my stuff shall be inherited by my cat, as I have no calves/offspring), go live in the mountains, bubble wrap myself, spend rest of my life panicking about death....

Okay, calm down now....

Does make you think how short life really is, and how you should make the most of day (try telling that to the bloody taxman and businessman who's only interested in scroungin evry penny off ya!).

Yet here I am sat behind my little laptop - living life to the full man!!!

Close my eyes and I'll be there by your side....

I really thought I would never write about my ex again.

However I had a pretty weird dream last night - about my ex-fiance no less.

It was so surreal, it was like we never broke up.

Don't really remember alot.

What I do remember is that he was hugging, kissing me alot and we were happy.

Yet when I woke up from the dream I felt guilt.

Reason for guilt: how would my relatives react if I got back with him?

I do miss him and think about him alot, but I will never let him know this, as I know he would see it as a signal that I want to get back with him.

I would love to take him back, but I know I can't love a man who does not trust or respect me.

I certainly can't love a man if I'm scared about what reaction he may have whenever I tell him I'm going out, or travelling to another city as part of my job. I can't love a man that wants to control me or make me feel subservient.


The song in youtube vid reminds me of him alot, reminds me of the good times we had. Sadly his attitude outweighs the good times.

Sorry babe, I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but not if it meant being controlled by you and not being able to have my own opinion.

Bit of a soppy posting I know, but I just had to get it off my chest and there's no way in hell I could share this with my friends or relatives without them judging me or saying I'm being stupid.

Time for bed now I think (it is now past midnight my end)

4 Stomachs

In general most people (unless you're an over enthusiastic dairy farmer) see cows as just plain little domesticated beasts that chew on grass all day and squirt calcium out of their little quartet of nipples.

But when u dig a little deeper, you'll realise there's a bit more to them than meets the eye.
One thing I recently discovered about cows (some of you are now gonna think I'm well thick and naive like Ali G when he saw a cow for the first time), is the fact they have 4 stomachs.

WTF do you need 4 stomachs for??!!! Seriously! It's not as if cows have a rich and varied diet - only exception being the poor heffers that developed mad cow disease - then again I'd probably go crazy if I just found out my farmer had been feeding me the remains of my bloody relatives all this time. Still, 4 stomachs for digesting grass - it's no wonder they produce funky poo which makes lovely compost...

Tell u what I could do with an extra stomach right now as have eaten way too much junk and now feel slightly sick. Having said that I wonder if I'd be twice as big if I had 2 stomachs.

Now that's a disturbing thought....

Stuck on pause

Just been reading my first post and had to laugh to myself with the talk about making changes to my life.

In the last few days I have merely just plodded along as usual - on second thoughts I've not even managed to plod along either, but I have a good reason for that.

It's very difficult to move on and get on with your life, whilst your ex seems intent on holding you back and not letting you go.

Okay, I can understand people getting upset when their partner decides to dump them. Some may accept situation and move on themselves, others will want an explanation or beg for one more chance. That I understand. However, I didn't decide to finish ex-fiance just out the blue, I was given no choice as he treated me like shit. Plus he knew why I was finishing him. And when I did tell him it's over, his behaviour became extremely erratic which only served to make me think I made wise decision.

Is it normal to break into someone's house by opening window from outside so you can get inside and talk to them, having been told by police to stay away? Is it normal to walk up and down someone's roof to scare them? Is it normal to deflate someone's car by damaging the stop valve?

Didn't think so.

Enough about the psycho-ex! There are 2 lil' errors in my first post that ought to be corrected: the first being the fact I wrote 'ex-fiancee' instead of a 'ex-fiance', implying to any reader that I was a bit unsure if I was engaged to a man or woman. The second is not really a typing error, but could be seen as inaccurate; I wrote 'I feel stuck in a rut, like cattle that's told when to eat......when to take a shit.' It's fair to say most cows/cattle generally take a dump as and when it suits them, not when they're told. It's not as if anyone's seen a cow tell the other cow 'Back in a tick. Jus' goin for a crap....', is it? In fact you can often spot cows chewing their cud whilst faeces drips out their big chunky rear simultaneously.

Gonna stop talking about cow pat now, before people think I'm a sadomadowatevertheproperwordis. I can also assure you I do not consume food whilst sat on loo taking a dump........cringe....

Anyway before I end post, might as well give brief explanation about image above.

It took me approx. 2 mins to draw, using 'Paint' and 5 secs to come up with the concept. A real masterpiece.....

For me this image represents whats goin on in my head - not alot. Hence, I have entitled it 'Blank Mind.'

Time to get some shut eye now me thinks...

New beginning

It's funny how a defining moment can bring about changes to your life.

My defining moment was when I knew I could no longer live with my fiance.

After a messy break-up (which unfortunately required some police intervention), I now sit in my bedroom, wondering how I can fill the void that sits in my stomach and marvel at how much my life has come to a standstill, since getting together with my ex-fiancee.

I feel stuck in a rut, like cattle that's told when to eat, when to move from one field to the next, when to take a shit.

Therefore I need to make a few changes in my life, and start being more honest with myself, especially when it comes to the kind of life I want to lead.

This won't be easy as whenever I tell relatives about the things I'd like to do, I usually get laughed at.

I suppose the one thing I really desire at the moment, is the freedom to express my true feelings, without fear of hurting other peoples feelings, and to explore my creativity.
This blogger site seemed like a good enough place to start, as I can remain anonymous and say whatever the hell I feel like.

I'm gonna stop here before I start talking too much shit, but before I do go, I just want to jot down all the things I can think of, that I'd like to do/try/attempt/cock up before I die:

• Milk a cow
• Grow my own veg
• Run a marathon
• Take a cow for a walk in London
• Convert my house into a nightclub
• Convert house into an art gallery
• Stay in a Hippy compound
• Paint really dull buildings in psychadelic designs/colours
• Invite Banksy round for tea & cake